April 28, 2004
Today is Molly's due date, which is a kind of birthday for her and day of reflection for me. Although I realize developmental charts are not exact, they will now more accurately trace the little steps she will take toward childhood rather than the depressing possibilities of preemie problems. The "what-ifs" become "what next?" and the milestones become achievements rather than cause for relief. A fragile preemie becomes a vivacious newborn.
I reflect on the ease with which parenthood has come to me. I think being older makes a big difference. There's no substitute for the confidence experience brings, although nothing can prepare you for the loss of sleep a gassy baby brings. But that's part of the contract, part of the process of passing on our genes and creating a new human.
The experience of Molly for me works on several levels. I see her as my child, but also as the irrepressible biological processes that govern all; as our brash human spirit; as life's poetic struggle to simply be; as an infinitely malleable mind capable of learning any language, any culture, any creed; as a product and recipient of my and her mother's love.
Happy (scheduled) Birthday, Molly.Posted by tat at April 28, 2004 09:53 AM